Being a Parent

Comment

Comment by John Board on September 7, 2009 at 9:50am

Thank you Bob for remembering another way of living that I too remember. We have lost our way it seems and respect for others is at a low point. It pervades our youth through the music and lyrics of rap. It pervades our Governments who torture people and teach us all so badly with lotteries that promise something for nothing. It supports gambling through the current stock markets of the world and violence through allowing extreme fighting being allowed on our television.

Perhaps that is too damning and we have to look closely to see who is running the world and on any close examination we will see it is the Corporations, those giant companies who are in charge. The Banks, the Insurance companies, the oil companies, the chemical giants and worst of all the Pharmaceuticals who are killing us all with their medicines and vaccines.

So how do we parent in this acidic environment that preaches greed above all other things. It is tough for the parents of today are a far distance from you and I. Remember that the Beatles heralded a new world for kids and it was laden with dreams, easy pleasures and great romantic living. Unfortunately it descended into a kind of directionless chaos not unlike the sudden movement of peoples around the world who for reasons of war or just for their own betterment abandoned their homelands and began to travel to new opportunities. We are as a result lacking a common underpinning of generosity and good will and have sunk to the depth of the me first attitude which in other terms is called greed. This suits the Corporations and is promoted by them for it brings them profits and people investing in them who want profits no matter what. In a hail storm it is hard to whisper and be heard but that is the only way to try.

I think we have to keep our own self esteem and calm and be strong in our continual insistence for civility and respect and in respecting others so we are examples. Not easy. Complaining and demanding change and punishments are not winning hands in this card game but inner peace, acceptance of others while being self shows great strength and some will see and some will examine and some will change.

We live in more and more dangerous times and when I watch the Air Show at the Toronto Exhibition and see the formations of fighter bombers zoom over with their roar I shudder to think of all the millions in the world who have had the added horror of seeing the bellies of those planes open and the deadly bombs drop onto them. Civility is not just a problem for current children but a problem for the whole world.

The Corporation has a mandate of profit first and we have to come somehow to a new anthem of world, environment and people first. Then our children will have role models that do not carry guns or harm or belittle others but that hold each person as sacred and respects others and self and love life and its spectacular chance to be a participant in it..

Comment by Bob Barkwell on September 6, 2009 at 11:06pm

As a graduate of the "Parent" course, taught by My Parents, Common sense, and a dose of Acceptance of Responsibility, I must admit that now as a Grandparent I have a few thoughts on raising children.

I know it is passee, but I was raised to respect others, and that included adults, parents, siblings, in fact everybody. I grew up thinking that this made a lot of sense, until of course I met those who did not deserve respect, because as we know, Respect is earned, not owed.
I am not sure where it happened, but I think it started to go off the rails in the last 10 - 15 years. There are all sorts of reasons why things changed, but mainly some so called experts decided that "children" should not be taught that every action has a consequence, one that was not at times pleasant. Time-outs replaced spanking, (and I am not talking about beatings), rewards were introduced, as inducments not for good behaviour, but for the "promise" of good behaviour, and of course in too many cases the promise to behave was not kept, with no consequence. When I was a kid, and when my children were kids, as they grew up, and by that I mean accepted their role and position in society, I/they were given more privilidges, not rights but priviledges, which could be removed. Today it seems that each year the children are given more "rights" without consequences. TV's, music, computers in their rooms, without supercvision, and in this fast paced world is it no wonder that we adults have no idea what the children of today are up to. Too many parents abdicate the teaching of our children to the schools, who are ill equipped for this task. It is one thing to teach education, but it is still up to the parent to spend the time to teach the children life, its benefits and its reponsibilities, and that the time we spend on this planet, must be shared with all others. The "me" or "I" concept must be replaced with the "us" and "our" concept. We are owed nothing, yet we owe everyone else the respect and kindness that we would like to expect. I don't claim to have all the answers, but I do believe that some common sense must be used if we expect our children to be self sufficient, independent and productive. How much better would our society be if, more children (and adults) lived every day with "The Golden Rule" in their way of life. No violence, no weapons to solve disputes, no expectation that life will be "given to us" but that a good and healthy life can be achieved by what is put into it. I know this is an over simplification, but isn't it time we simplified life? Isn't it time we taught ourselves and our children that we only achieve what we earn and what we deserve. If we show respect, we will recieve respect, if we show compassion we will recieve compassion, if we give generosly, we will reap generosly. How much better a world would this be if we all "Do Unto Others As We Would Have Others Do Unto Us", and we introduced this concept into our homes and our lives on a daily basis? Just a thought, from where I am sitting.